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After the birth of my son, I decided that it was time to try for some answers. While I was pregnant I wanted to do regression therapy but for fear of stress on the baby, I had put it off. I learned a great deal with my therapist; basics of the mind, regression and inner-strength.
Your mind is truly amazing, a three pound clump of tissue that we only use about 10% of, is responsible for everything that fabricates your reality. It creates and defines all of your senses, your personalty, your environmental awareness. Everything that is you and how you perceive the world around you is made by your brain. There is so much to take in that your brain can get overwhelmed. Only about 30% of everything that is around you is taken into account when your brain creates the reality you experience with your senses. This creates an illusion of knowledge. We think what we are seeing is the whole truth but honestly our mind only has so much information and just assumes the rest to fill in the gaps. It even works in opposite effects with powers of suggestion and suppression.
That is exactly what I intend to unlock., the suggestion and suppression influences on my life. Immediately I knew that had to find a new therapist one that has no prior information and can be objective and not suggestive. In my home town this is not a hard task, you cant trip on a street corner any where and not find a hypnotherapist for help with loosing weight or quit smoking. For those of you that are not familiar with these habit breaking programs they normally consist of three or more sessions (depending on how well you take to it). The first an introduction and a look back into what in your life as to what was the stress that induced the behavior. The second is the suggestion power to reinforce the desire to quit bad behavior. And the third is to praise the efforts of diminishing the addiction to the vice. After thinking long and hard (and taking a long gander at my medical records) I noticed about the age of four I began sleep walking, sever bloody noses and potty troubles. Seemed like an odd grouping so I went to the hypnotherapist in an effort to find the cause and the reason I still do “sleep walking”. Seemed like a nice cover and a good non-suggestive topic. Having a plan and a few questions written down I scheduled my appointment.
“We are going to experience the first time you slept walked. You you remember the first time?”
“Faintly, my Mom told me of it. Where they found me in the early morning.”
“That is perfect. Follow the sound of my voice. 10…9…8…7..6…5…4…3…2…1… Are you relaxed nod your head — Good. Alright where are we?”
“In my old house. The carpet is blue and there is wood paneling on the walls.”
“How old are you?”
“3 maybe 4”
“What are we doing?”
“We just finished dinner boxed mac n’ cheese. Now we are going to the back of the house and climbing the stairs. there is a dark hall and we go into the room on the left. Mom and Dad must have a sister because Sissy and I are getting on our pj’s and getting in bed.”
“What else is going on?”
“Sissy is complaining because she is scared there are no lights.”
“What does she do?”
“We crawl in bed together, mine, because it is up against the wall. And we close our eyes.”
“What happens next?”
“I fall asleep.”
“Do you dream?”
“Yes, of dirt. Soil, damp soil. It smells strongly of Earth. But I’m warm and cold. I feel the breeze. I don’t think I’m sleeping. I know I am awake. I pinch myself and I feel it. My skin aches, I pinched to hard. I look up there is a boy in this field i’m on the edge of.”
“What does he look like. Tall, slim and yellow.”
“What do you do?”
“I run to him.”
“And then what?”
“We hold hands and run off”
“I like him, I trust him”
“We step into this bright beam. And I am in a desert. There are people short with large heads and large eyes. hey are hooking me up to a machine that beeps with my heart. And to another that is draining my blood and another that is pumping in blue. The short people are talking in a funny language. One of them reaches out to me and burns my arm. a dot here and there and a line there. and they leave and leave me. Alone.”
“Now what happens?”
“I know I am awake but I feel like I am in a dream so I walk until i find a road. A car stops and a woman gets out. She grabs me by the shoulders and looks me over. She asks where is my parents and if I am lost. I can’t speak. i can’t form any words.”
“She calls the cop– Disclosure Education Conditioning” there was a sharp inhale and a high pitch change in my voice. I continued not being able to stop. “Disclosure Education Conditioning Disclosure Education Conditioning Disclosure Education Conditioning Disclosure Education Conditioning Disclosure Education Conditioning Disclosure Education Conditioning Disclosure Education Conditioning Disclosure Education Conditioning–”
Over my voice “If you can hear me you will awake by the time I count to zero. You will be awake and calm and safe. 5…4…3…2…1…0”
I sharply inhale and everything resets, like I had sat down and he counted down from 10 and nothing happened, I opened my eyes calm cool and relaxed.
“Where did they find you in the morning?”
“3 miles outside city limits, ten miles from home. The police report said the woman found me sleep walking across the road and figured I had walked on the desert trail out the back side of the city at about 1.45 miles per hour.”
The man was in awe. ” There must have been a measurement error in the distance. But the desert landscape and the city lights most defiantly played well as external stimuli feeding to your REM activity. As to what causes your sleep walking I do not have enough information. Could be anything from family relations to scholar relationships to diet and exercise. We will explore this next session.”
Your mind really is a powerful thing. Regardless of what the therapist rationally explains it as I know it to be another, more complicated reality. Dream or not I have the scars to prove it either way. After this incident in my early childhood my personality changed dramatically. i went from being a cautious girly girl who was shy and always getting ill to a daring tom boy who never got sick and was (and still is extremely outspoken). I know that was the first time I met my angel but i am not sure if that was the first time I was ever visited. I know I have been experimented on and I know I have been subjected to many tests physically and emotionally. My mind has been extraordinary at weaving these experiences into my life to make them as normal and non-memorable as possible. I’m sure the greys had their part in that as well who knows what else they have done, and most likely I will never even know the half of it.
All I can do is wait for it all to surface…